As a child, I quickly came to terms with the concept of a Dominoqq caterpillar evolving into a butterfly. As an adult, I accepted the wife’s monthly tendency to turn into a raging psychopath, before reverting back to the more placid psychopath she would normally be. As a betting genius, I find Everton’s transformation from Champions League participants into Sunday League cloggers more difficult to comprehend.

 

What are the reasons behind their demise?

 

Two seasons ago, Everton finished 17th in the league, one spot off relegation. At the start of last season, instead of strengthening a poor team, they sold their best/plumpest player. Three consecutive 1-0 wins early in the season gave them an air of confidence, which coupled with a statistical anomaly not seen since I bet on red at roulette and black came out 37 times, landed the Evertonians a 4th place finish. To sum up, Everton are not in demise, they’re still the same poor team they were two seasons ago. Get on Tottenham at 4/7.

 

Next week, I solve the Middle East crisis.

 

Thomas Sorensen is a capable goalkeeper, but he suffers from ‘footballing anorexia’, he freezes when he sees Emile. The Villa keeper handed the bragging rights to Birmingham in both matches last season, but the luck is about to run out for the Blues.

 

Birmingham are conceding two goals a game on their own patch and have had a player sent off in their last three league matches. Barring a goalkeeping error, the Villa are a cracking bet at 7/4.

 

While watching England beat the Poles in a local tavern, I heard a drunken young man sing the following, “If Crouch can play for England so can I.” You’d think Phil Neville would spend his time more productively.

 

It’s now 10 games without a goal for Peter Crouch and Liverpool are 13th in the table as a result. With the Reds finding goals hard to come by, back Blackburn to snatch a draw at 12/5.

 

Sunderland v Man U would have been the game of the week if Roy Keane wasn’t out injured, although I hold out hope that Keano will offer Mick McCarthy tactical advise from the stand. The Mackems are on a four match unbeaten run in all competitions, but with Van Nistelrooy and Rooney in great form, United are the bet at 4/9.

 

Nothing lasts forever, with the possible exception of a conversation about cushions between the wife and her mother. Chelsea’s 100% record in the league has been a fantastic effort, but Bolton are a great bet to put an end to their domination.

 

Big Sam has avoided defeat at the Bridge for the last two seasons, and Bolton have won six of their last eight matches in all competitions. All good things must come to an end, back Bolton to win or draw at 3/1.

 

 

The following paired Goalscorer specials are all available at Super Soccer.

 

“Ham, Berger” – Dietmar Hamann and Patrik Berger both to score 33/1

“Chubby, Brown” – Wayne Rooney and Michael Brown both to score 10/1

“Bent, double” – Darren Bent and Marcus Bent both to score 13/2

“Horses, Four Courses” – Van Nistelrooy and Wayne Rooney both to score 3/1

“Sun, Bern” – Sun Jihai and Olivier Bernard both to score 66/1

“My big fat Greek wedding” – Wayne Rooney and Stelios both to score 12/1

“Chris, Musampa” – Chris Sutton and Kiki Musampa both to score 12/1

 

 

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